Every week we will update a new funny sex picture that screams
"What the heck were they thinking when they took that photo!"
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Funny Sex Picture for this week 2-20-2012
funny sex picture

The Big Horse Race
Horses in the race are:
 1. Passionate Lady
 2. Bare Belly
 3. Silk Panties
 4. Conscience
 5. Jockey Shorts
 6. Clean Sheets
 7. Thighs
 8. Big Johnson
 9. Heavy Bosum
10. Merry Cherry
At the Post:
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts & Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs & Big Johnson in a very tight spot. At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up & Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady & Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson. At The Stretch, Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive. Passionate Lady is coming. At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got & Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer. It looks like a dead heat, but Big Johnson squirts through & wins by a head. Heavy Bosum weakens & Thighs pulls-up. Clean Sheets never had a chance.

February 2012
Why Studying Is Better Than Sex
10. You can usually find someone to do it with.
 9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place & pick up where you left off.
 8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
 7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.
 6. A little coffee & you can do it all night.
 5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book teaser."
 4. You can do it, eat & watch T.V. all at the same time.
 3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
 2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it.
 1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help.

June 2010
Who's This Guy
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans & searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table & found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

July 2010
Duct Tape
Jeff walks into a bar & sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over & asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, & she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape & taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "& I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" (Paul slumps back over the bar again.) "I kicked her in the face."

July 2010
Easily Explained
A man goes to his doctor & complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her & hopefully determine what the problem is.The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asks her what's wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?"Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says, "I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'.""Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'.I take a cab to go home after work &, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what'. So you see, doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out & don't want it anymore." "Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?"

July 2010
Birthday Present
A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, & as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note - romantic, but not too personal.Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items & the sister got the gloves & the sweetheart got the panties.>Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package & mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:Darling, I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks & they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me & she looked really smart.I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love, Hollingsworth P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

July 2010
The Goodnight Kiss
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall &, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blow job?" Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" Her: "No way. It's just too risky!" Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much!" Her: "No, no, & no. I love you too, but I just can't!"Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"Her: "No, no. I just can't" Him: "I beg you... " Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, & the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, & in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead & give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself & do it. But for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom.."

August 2010
Flat Tummy
There was a small boy who was put to bed by his parents. The boy had a nightmare, & got out of bed to go to his parents room. When he got there, he saw mommy bouncing up & down on daddy. When his dad noticed him in the doorway, the kid ran away. The mother got off & got dressed quickly, & went to the boy's room. He was in his bed, & he asked, "Mommy, what were you doing to daddy?" The mother replied, "Well, your father has noticed his belly getting bigger, & I was just trying to flatten his tummy for him by bouncing on it." "Oh, that's what you were doing. But you're wasting your time mommy." The boy said. "Oh, & why is that?" The mom asked. "Because everyday when you leave for work, the neighbor lady comes over, gets on her knees & blows it right back up again.

August 2010
Healing the Sick
Grandma & Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV & the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed. Grandma got up & slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set & her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain. Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set & his left hand on his crotch. Grandma scowled at him & said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead."

August 2010
Rodeo Position
Two guys in a bar are discussing "positions" so one tells the other, "Well my favorite is the rodeo!" & the other says, "What's the rodeo?" "Well, first you get your wife down & start to do her doggy style, then when you're halfway done, you bend over & whisper in her ear, 'you know, this is your sister's favorite position too' & then try to hold on for 8 seconds!"

August 2010
Holiday Dinner
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor & tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it & it comes out looking really good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh. So the guy does it & it comes out looking good, too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?" She says "I'm sick & tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving & Christmas!"

August 2010
The Geography Of A Woman
Between 18 & 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 & 30 a woman is like America,well developed & open to trade especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 & 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed & convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 & 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm & desirable place to visit.
Between 41 & 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 & 60,she is like Russia, very wide & borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 & 70,a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious & all conquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

September 2010
Pregnant With My Child
An 85-year old man is having his annual checkup. The Doctor asks him how he is feeling. "I've got an eighteen-year old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The Doctor considers this for a moment, & then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know of a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry & he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.So he's walking in the woods near a creek & suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver & squeezed the handle. BAM !The beaver drops dead in front of him. "That's impossible!", says the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that beaver." The Doctor says, "My point exactly."

September 2010
50 Year Old Nightie
A husband & wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary.That night the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same sexy negligee she had worn on their wedding night.She looked at her husband & said, "Honey, do you remember this?"He looked up at her & said, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."She said, "That's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"He nodded & said, "Yes dear, I still remember.""Well, what was it?" she asked.He responded, "As I remember, I said, 'Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big boobs & screw your brains out.' "She giggled & said, "Yes honey, that's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, & I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"Again he looked up at her, & he replied, "Mission accomplished."

September 2010
The Elderly Couple
A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he then charged them $32.00.This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor & leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married & we can't go to her house. I am married & we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 & the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it herefor $32.00, & I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's office."

September 2010
The Old Spinnster
On her 70th birthday, an old spinnster decides it's time to finnaly get married. Since she has no hot prospects, she decides to run this ad in the local newspaper:"Seventy-year young virgin seeks husband. Must be in same age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, & MUST still be good in bed. Apply in person" The next day, her doorbell rings, & when she opens the door, much to her dismay is a gray haired man in a wheelchair, & he has no arms or legs.She asks the man, "Do you really expect me to choose you? You don't even have any arms or legs!" The old man replies, "Well, I don't have arms, so how could I beat you?" The woman agrees, & asks him to proceed. "I don't have any legs, so how could I run around on you? Again, she agrees, & replies, "But how could you, without any arms or legs, possibly be good in bed?" The man smiles & says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I!"

October 2010
Angry Thirst
A young man, desperate for water, was plodding through the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old man at a small stand selling ties. The young man asked, "Do you have water? "The old man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."The young man shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need Water! I should kill you, but I must find water first". "OK," said the old man. "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie & that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. "Muttering, the young man staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back. "Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie."

October 2010
The Birds, The Bees, & Jewelry
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in."Mother, where do babies come from?"The mother thinks for a few seconds & says, "Well dear, Mommy & Daddy fall in love & get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss & hug & have sex."The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The child seems to comprehend."Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?""Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry."

October 2010
A Taste Of Your Own Medicine
A guy dies while making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her & says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off & shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time & sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"

October 2010
What Men Would Do If They Had A Vagina For A Day
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini & cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour & a half.
 8. See if they could finally do the splits.
 7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
 6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
 5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms & still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam & ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed & pray for breasts too.
 1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

November 2010
What Women Would Do If They Had A Penis for A Day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
 9. Get a blow job.
 8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
 7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
 6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
 5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
 4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
 3. Jump up & down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
 2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes & the ruler      situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
 1. Repeat number 9......

November 2010
Off To Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man. 'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free! 'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', & then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. 'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife. The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

November 2010
Knickerless
Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear. The blonde realises he is staring & inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?" "Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe & promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come & sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over & is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?" Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

November 2010
Crowded Subway
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, & many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her & said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!" "I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket." "Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!"

November 2010
Afternoon Quickie
Joe & Wanda had a small apartment in the city & they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony & order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun & would distract him for an hour or so. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike & the Coopers are making whoopie." Mom & Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

December 2010
God's Gift's
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam & Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. "It's a very handy thing" God told the couple, "& I was wondering if either one of you wanted that abilty." Adam jumped up & blurted "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that. It seems the sort of thing a man would do. Please give me that ability. It'd be so great. When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there & let fly. It'd be sooo cool. I could write my name in the sand. Please, God, let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand to pee, oh please." Eve just smiled & said that if Adam really wanted that so bad that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make Adam really happy, & she didn't mind if Adam were the one to get this ability. Adam was happy, & proceeded to wash down the bark of the nearest tree, laughing with glee all the while. "Fine", God said, looking back into his bag of leftovers. "What's left here?" "Oh, yes. Multiple orgasms."

December 2010
Low Sperm Count
A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar & said, "Take this jar home & bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office & gives him the jar, which is as clean & empty as on - the previous day. The doctor asked what happened & the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, & still nothing. We even called up the lady next door &-she tried with both hands & her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"

December 2010
How Many Women
After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?" "Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit". Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, & convinced her hubby to tell her. "Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."

January 2011
Thanksgiving Etiquette
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" & the women called the man a "bastard". Their son walked in & said "What does bitch & bastard mean?", & the parents replied "ladies & gentlemen". The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" & the man said "feel my dick". Their son walked in & asked "What does titties & dick mean?", & the parents replied "hats & coats". On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving & he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in & asked "What's that mean", & the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using. Downstairs the mom was preparing the turkey, & she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives & said "Alright you bitches & bastards, put your dicks & titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, & my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

January 2011
Special Care
The Queen visits a major hospital to open a new ward. She is shown around first by a nurse so she can inspect the facilities. On her way, she hears orgasmic groans coming from a nearby room. She goes to the room to investigate &, upon arriving, finds that a man is masturbating on the bed. She asks the nurse "Why is that man doing that?" The nurse replies "Oh, he's got to relieve himself every so often because he has a disorder.""Oh, OK then," the queen said, & moved on, but on the way she hears more orgasmic groans. She looks in the room & sees a nurse giving a man a blowjob. The queen asks her escort "Why is that nurse giving that man a blowjob?" Her nurse escort says "Oh, he's got the same disorder as the man before, only this one's got health insurance!"

January 2011
Gone Fishing
A guy is sitting in a bar with his friends bitching about going home to his wife. His friends ask him why he doesn't want to go home to such a fine looking woman, so he replies.."Well, the problem is that she has Gonnorrhea". "So what" say the friends, "flip her over". "Well, she also has diarrhea", the guy says. "Yuck, but what about her mouth",the friends chime in."Halitosis" the man says."Damn, why would you stay with her, "the friends ask. "Well", he replies, "she also has worms, & you guys know how I like to fish."

January 2011
The Worm
Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground & told him that he would give him 10 bucks if he could put it back in. Tommy left for a bit & said "Ok Grandpa, watch this". Tommy then pushed the worm right back down in the hole. The Grandpa got out the 10 dollars & gave it to Tommy. Tommy said "Grandpa I can't keep this because I cheated. I sprayed the worm with hair spray. That's why I was able to do that." Grandpa said "No, you keep it." The next morning at breakfast Grandpa walked up to Tommy & gave him another 10 bucks. Tommy said "No Grandpa. You already paid me." Grandpa replied "That money was from Grandma."

January 2011
Navy 101
A young Aussie joins the navy. On the day he is about to go to sea, his father warned him to be aware of gay sailors. "But dad, how will I know?" "Trust me son, you will know". After 6 months at sea, the ship comes into port. The father was on the dock waiting for his son. The son, seeing his father, got off the ship & shook his fathers hand. "Well son,how did it go?" "Dad, I found out what you ment about gay sailors. One night I was out on deck all alone when a man came by & put his hand on my shoulder so I threw him overboard." "But how could you tell he was gay?" "Well, for 3 days he swam behind the boat yelling "THROW ME A BOUY, THROW ME A BOUY".

February 2011
Oingo Bongo
These three guys were stranded on this island with no hope of getting off for a long time. Then this 500 pound guy came out of some bushes & said "Okay, I give you two choices.... death or bongo." The first guy said, "I have a lot to live for; my wife & kids are at home. I choose bongo." The big guy takes him aside & they start banging it right there. The second guy sees this & doesn't think it looks so bad so he also chooses bongo. Then two 550 pound guys come out of the bushes & they get it on right there. The third guy is disgusted by this, so he chooses death. After saying this, fourteen 550 pound guys come out of the bushes screaming "DEATH BY BONGO!!!!!!"

February 2011
Bang Bang
A large family were going to have Thanksgiving dinner togther. The two grandma's of the family were sick of people eating the pudding the night before, so they hatched a plan. They put BB Gun pellets in the pudding so they could see who ate it. The next morning, Little Tommy came down from his room & said "Grannie, Grannie, there were BB Gun pellets in my pee pee last night." Then Little Sally came down & said "Grandma, there was BB Gun pellets in my pee last night." Then Big Shaun came down yelling "Help! Help! I just shot my girlfriend in the mouth. She went down fine but came up with a hole going right through her tongue & out the side of her mouth!"

February 2011
Seasonal Sex
An elderly couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man "You appear to be in good health, do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" "In fact I do," said the man, "After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot & sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold & chilly." "This is very interesting," replied the doctor, "Let me do some research & get back to you."After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot & sweaty after having sex the first time with you & then cold & chilly after the second time. Do you know why?" "Oh that old coot!" She replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July, & the second time is usually in December!"

February 2011
How To Have A Good Ride
 1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
 2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.
 3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.
 4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.
 5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.
 6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.
 7. It's best to have a soft place to land.
 8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.
 9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down & wait for them.
10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.
11. Once you learn, you never forget how.
12. If you fall off get right back on.
13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.
14. Remember to signal before you change direction.
15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.
16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.
17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.
18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.

March 2011
Going To The Gyno
A lady called her gynecologist, & asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, & was rushed right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room & asked about her problem. She was very shy about her emergency problem, & asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina. So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy, delicate & expensive surgical operation." "I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am here, could you just replace the batteries? "

March 2011
In Too Far
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. As he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel & flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked & my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe & cover yourself", he said. Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road & found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck! "The proprietor looked at the shoe & said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

March 2011
Paying The Price
3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate & said, "However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven". The first guy comes up to the gate & says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife & I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce. The next man comes up & says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I stilll love her." He gets a mustang & drives off into heaven. The next guy came up & said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter. Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along & he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying. He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" & the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".

March 2011
The Musical Octopus
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool & tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play. A guy walks up with a guitar & sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his $50. Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down & the octopus fumbles with it for a minute & sits it down with a confused look. "Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?" The octopus looks up at him & says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."

April 2011
The Creation of a Pussy
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit. Second was a carpenter strong & bold, with a hammer & chisel, he gave it a hole. Third was a tailor tall & thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within. Fourth was a hunter short & stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without. Fifth was a fisherman nasty as hell, threw in a fish & gave it a smell. Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee, he touched it & blessed it, & said it could pee. Last was a sailor dirty little runt,

April 2011
The Check Up
An elderly couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man "You appear to be in good health, do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" "In fact I do," said the man, "After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot & sweaty. And after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold & chilly." "This is very interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some research & get back to you." After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot & sweaty after having sex the first time with you & then cold & chilly after the second time. Do you know why?" "Oh that old coot!" She replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July, & the second time is usually in December!"

April 2011
Sex For Food
There once was three guys who didn't have any money or any food. They had been stealing food for the past couple of days & still wern't satisfied. One guy finally said, "wouldn't it be better to ask for food instead of stealing it"? They all agreed so one day they went up to this house & rang the door bell . An old lady answered. They asked her for food. She said she would only give them food if they slept with her. The first guy refused & so did the second, but the third guy was so hungry that he agreed. She took him into her barn & said to get started. He said he wanted to blindfold her & she agreed because she was so desperate. Once blindfolded he took a piece of corn & started fucking her with it. He threw that piece of corn out the barn window & took another piece of corn & started fucking her with that one. Afterwards she fed him like she said she would & he left. The two other guys told him they couldn't believe he had done that for food, especially since they had found free corn around the side of the barn.

April 2011
Poem of Daniel Morgan
This is the tail of Daniel Morgan, who had a tiny sexual organ. It was just one inch when fully reared, when lying down it disappeared. It was just by chance they called him Danny, half an inch less they'd have called him fanny. It gave his girlfriends such a shock, when they put their hands on his tiny cock. One day Dan read in the daily mail that things called falsies were on sale. For women who had tiny breasts they wore these things inside their vests. Now Dan said "I'm no fool, why can't I make a big false tool?" So he worked all night to make a shopper, & he ended up with a great big whopper. It was twelve inches long & made of plastic & would stretch any girls fanny, like elastic. It really was a lovely job & on the end was a big red knob. He tied it up with lots of twine & it really did look rather fine. Lying there beneath his pants, it looked just like an elephants. No other guy stood a chance when Dan attended the local dance. For when the girls danced with our Danny, his tool kept tickling round their fanny. The girls began to faint & swoon as Danny waltzed them round the room. But what a shock they had in stall, for one night dancing round the hall. Danny stopped & loudly cursed, He'd felt the string & strapping burst. Before he'd reached the nearest seat, his tool was dangling at his feet. A girl named Silvia made Dan sick for she gave his tool a spiteful kick. Poor Danny's screams ran round the hall, for the string was tied round one of his balls. Of course by now the band was crackers, while in the gents Dan bathed his knackers. So if you're like poor Daniel Morgan, & have a tiny sexual organ, Remember though it's only wee, it's always good enough, just to Pee!!

May 2011
Over The Counter
A guy walks into a pharmacy. He says to the pharmacist, "I've heard a lot about that viagra stuff. Does it really work." The pharmacist says, "Yeah, it works great." The guy asks, "Do you think I could get it over the counter?" Pharmacist says, "Well, if you took enough I suppose you could."

May 2011
Tricking a Nun
A hippie gets onto a bus & sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over & asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines & gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes & some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God & command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery & waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes & glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers & I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this & quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask & shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie!" The nun replies by whipping off her mask & shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

May 2011
Three Daughters
There were three daughters & they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it & neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding & then you will all be able to get married". So they got married & all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house. So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up & decided to go downstairs & get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom, she could hear laughing & just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing & decided to ignore it. The next morning at the breakfast table, she said to the first daughter, "why were you screaming?". The daughter replied, "well mother you told me to scream when something hurt." Then the mother said to the second daughter, "why were you laughing last night?" The daughter replied, "mother you told me to laugh when something tickled". Then the mother said to the last daughter, "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" The daughter replied,"well mother, you told me never to talk with my mouth full".

May 2011
Hooker Tax
One day a hooker went to file her taxes, & for occupation she put prostitution. The tax collector explained that prostitution was an illegal occupation. She said she'd have to go home & think about it & that she'd call him back in a hour with her occupation. An hour later she called him & said, "I've got it... I'm a chicken farmer." He said, "How do you get chicken farmer out of prostitution." She said, "I raised over a thousand cocks last year."

May 2011
Size Does Matter
This guy was walking down the street & this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?" "Sure," he says & they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes & he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into".

June 2011
A Man At The Beach
One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach. But the man thought & thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel & lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case. Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?" The man replies with "it's a birdy & never ever touch it." He soon falls asleep. Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened & all he could remember was the girl at the beach. Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, & burned it's nest."

June 2011
Devil Joke
Three guys die & go to hell. When they arrive the devil informs them that he is going to remove their penises. "Oh, how are you going to do it", asks one of the guys. "Whatever your fathers jobs were, that's how I'll remove them" says the devil. So he calls over the first guy "Your father was a lumberjack... So I'll cut it off with a saw". To the second guy he says "Your father was a blacksmith... So I'm going to burn it off". As he calls the third guy over he notices he's smiling. "Why are you smiling, you just watched me remove your friends penises" says the devil. "I know", replies the man "but my father was a popsicle maker".

July 2011
I Need It Badly
Now I haven't known you very long & I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly. I haven't had it for a while & I can already feel it going in good & hard & coming out nice & soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs & I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate & I need your help. You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it & sucking out all the juices until it's very dry. I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so.... Do you have a piece of gum?

July 2011
The Two Ants
There are two ants living in a girl's pair of panties. One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in an hour. So one ant went in one cave, & the other ant in a different cave. After an hour went by, the two ants met back up. One ant was covered in brown, sticky smelly stuff. "Eeew!, what was your cave like?" asked the other ant. "It was nice at first, but it soon became really smelly & the walls were all dark & sticky" replied the ant. "So how was your cave ?" "Well" he said, "it was lovely at first. All pink & warm, but then this bald guy started head butting me & then spitting on me."

July 2011
Measure of Manliness
3 guys get pulled over by a woman cop. They tried to get out of the speeding ticket, so the woman said if all your dicks equal up to 15 inches, I will let you off. The driver pulls out his dick which is 7 inches. The guy in the front of the passenger seat pulls his out, which is 6 inches. The last guy in the back pulls his out & it's 2 inches. So they get out of the ticket. After a while they hear the guy laughing hysterically in the back. The driver asks, "What's wrong why are you laughing?" The guy in back says good thing I was popping a boner.

July 2011
10 Things Not To Tell Your Girlfriend
10. Come on, who's gonna find out?
 9. I promise you wont choke.
 8. Can I get you in the pooper?
 7. Trust me, I'm a professional.
 6. Well, your sister likes it like that.
 5. Wow look at the ass on her!
 4. Now why cant your boobs be that big?
 3. I gotta poop.
 2. Oh you forgot to shave today too?
 1. I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.

August 2011
Ridem Cowboy
The local yokel got married & his honeymoon was the first time he'd been off the farm. He'd saved for twenty years for this, so could afford a classy hotel. When checking in, he said "me & the new WIFE would like to hire your best room for a week". "Certainly sir", replied the receptionist. "Would you like the Bridal"? The yokel looked a bit uncertain, then said "naw, reckon not, I'll just hang onto her ears 'til a get the hang of it".

August 2011
Liquored Up
Two guys where walking down the street when they saw two dogs humping. One guy said, "I wonder how much liquor it would take to get my wife to do it that way". So they made a bet of 10 bucks to see whose wife would do it on the least amount of liqour. After a week they met in a bar. "Well", said the first guy, "How much liquor did it take"? "A pint of whiskey", replied the other guy. The first guy said, "You win, it took me a whole bottle just to get her out in the yard."

August 2011
Blueberry Hill
It was the first day of a new school year. Three boys arrive at class late & the teacher asks the first boy, "why are you tardy?". The boy replies, "I've been on Blueberry Hill". The teacher said "take your seat." She asks the next boy why he was late. "I was on Blueberry Hill also" he replied. Then she asked the third boy, but he replied with the same answer. As the boys we're sitting down a girl arrives in. "Let me guess", said the teacher, "you were on Bluberry Hill also??" "NO.... I am Blueberry Hill" replied the girl.

August 2011
Late Home Coming
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other & says, "ya know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway., I shut off the engine & coast into the garage, I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom, I ease into bed, & my wife STILL wakes up & yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him & says, "well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass, & say, 'how about a blowjob?' ....And she's always sound asleep."

September 2011
The Swedish Student
At a local college, a guy from America ask's a girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze & says, "in America, we call this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too". A little later he gives her a peck on the cheek & says, "in America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too". Towards the end of the night & many drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn & proceeds to have sex with her. He then says, "in America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it".

September 2011
Question:
What's the difference between a 40 year-old man & a 40 year-old woman?
A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.

September 2011
Be Strong
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money. He finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed & ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed ,he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up & goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail & hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us! Be strong honey. I love you". The wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, & asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

September 2011
We Really Can't Win!
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die". As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked. So he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out & caught her. "Do you screw" he asked." "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. So he dropped her. The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic."Slut!" he said, & dropped her.

October 2011
Construction Site Sign Language
There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down & get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him. First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), & moved his hand back & forth describing the movement of a hand saw. Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off. The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off, ran down to the ground & started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw." The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."

October 2011
A Distinct Lack Of Imagination
There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel, got back on & started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so, he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. He caught up to it again, continued riding. Eventually, the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them & asked the women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said, "If you fix our car we will do anything you want". Luckily, the guy knew a thing or two about cars & fixed it in a flash. When he finished the three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."? After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?"

October 2011
Communication Breakdown
Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while. When the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!" And so they did. As they are lying in bed, afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!" And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"

October 2011
Wish Fulfillment
A man & his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, & suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?" He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."

November 2011
Take Your Pick
One bright sunny morning a husband turns to his lovely wife & says, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend- you, me & the dog." The wife respond's, "but I don't like fishing." "Look, we're going fishing & that's final!" the husband says. She ask's: "Do I have to go fishing with you, I really don't want to go." The husband replies: "I'll give you three choices:
1.- You come fishing with me & the dog. 2.- You give me a BLOW JOB. 3.- You take it up the ass."
The wife grimaces in response: "But I don't want to do any of those things." The husband replies: "Wife- I've given you three options. You'll HAVE to pick one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle & when I come back, I expect you to have made up your mind." The wife sits & thinks about it. Twenty minutes later, the husband comes back & ask's- "Well, what have you decided? The wife reluctantly answer's: "Okay- I'll give you a blow job." "Great," he says as he drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business but suddenly stops, looks up at her husband & yell's: "Oh, YUCK! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It taste's all shitty"!! "Yes," says the husband, "the dog didn't want to go fishing either."

November 2011
Admiring Our Own Work
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when & where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film & it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up & dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise. The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S&M & even a dog. After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple & said, "I'm only here to listen to the music." "Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."

November 2011
The Long Scream
Three friends decided to bet each other $100 on who could make their wives scream more from sex. They all go home to have sex with their wives & make them scream. The next day they meet. The first friend says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours & she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours. "The second friend says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours & she was screaming the whole time & half an hour after that." The third friend says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times, I wiped my dick in the curtain & she still screaming."

November 2011
68
While making love, a guy says to is wife, "darling, let's do 68"! "68"??? she replies, "what's that"? The husband replies, "you do it to me, & I'll owe you one".

December 2011
Bachelor Or Married
What is the difference between a bachelor & a married man?
A Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed.
A Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, & goes to the refrigerator.

December 2011
Being an Egg
If you think life is bad........How would you like to be an egg?
* You only get laid once.
* You only get eaten once.
* It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft.
* You share your box with 11 other guys.
* But worst of all.... The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!!
So cheer up.....Your life ain't that bad!!!
Pass it around to someone who you feel can use a good lay, I mean day.

December 2011
A Girls First Time
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid & you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply & you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes & tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you & you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead & beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned & asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head & nod for him to go on. He begins going in & out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you & he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile & thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. Naughty, Naughty! Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?

January 2012
The Stupidity Test - True or False
1. The clitoris is a type of flower.
2. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.
5. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
6. A G-string is part of a fiddle.
7. Semen is a term for sailors.
8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly.
9. Testicles are found on an Octopus.
10. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.

January 2012
Question-
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
They hang around after the man leaves & talks to the woman.

January 2012
The Pickle Man
This couple comes to a new town & the guy gets a job at the local pickle factory. A few years go by & each year he wins the employee of the year award. One day in the 3rd year, he comes home looking all depressed. His wife asks him what the matter is, to which he responds that he got fired. "FIRED?!? How can you get fired, you're always employee of the year!!" she asked, stunned. To this he responds that he had another fantasy that he needed to fulfill & it got him fired... "Oh no, not again...What did you do this time?" she asks. Well, I always fantasized about sticking my willy in the pickle slicer. "You didn't!" she hoped. He blushed & replied, "Well, yes I did." Then she asks, "Did it hurt?" "No no really," answers the man. Puzzled she then asks, "Well what happened to the pickle slicer??" He answers, "Oh, *she* got fired too!"

January 2012
Accidental Bump
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him & his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her & says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

February 2012
68
While making love, A man says to his girl: "Darling, let's do 68!" "68.......What's that?" she says.
You do it to me & I'll owe you one.

February 2012